Bring Me To Life
by Musings of a Shaken Mind
Summary: It’s the same every night, though… exactly the same. You’re used to it, you suppose. You’re used to the terror it brings, the pain, the fear… and mostly the loneliness. Bella's dreams in NM. TwoShot.
1. Bring Me To Life

**This is something that was actually written quite a long time ago. For those of you who read my drabbles, yes--this is a further exploration into the dream-sequence. Set during New Moon, this is my (extended) take on Bella's nightmares. Enjoy! Review?  


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**BRiNG ME TO LiFE  
A _Twilight_ FanFiction  
By Musings of a Shaken Mind**

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You're so exhausted that you fall asleep quickly. It's an odd occurrence--often, you twist and turn for hours, trying desperately to reach a state of unconsciousness. But then, you've had a lot on your mind, recently. But today has been particularly hard, and so you have no trouble falling asleep.

And, as soon as you do drift into dreams, you regret it.

_Wake me up inside_

It's the same dream, the same nightmare.

It's the same every night, though… exactly the same. You're used to it, you suppose. You're used to the terror it brings, the pain, the fear… and mostly the loneliness.

That's what hurts the most, you think. After a few months of being surrounded by a new, loving (on the most part) family, you're really scared, now that there's no-one here for you. No Alice, to talk to. No Emmett, to laugh and smile with. No Esme, to mother you. No Carlisle, to explain things that you can't fathom. No Rosalie to hide from. No Jasper to be wary of. And most of all? No Ed—**no. **

It's still too hard to think the name, isn't it? Too painful. You're not strong enough for that, not yet. Perhaps, you think, in time…

You're twisting, you're turning. Its black all around you, but it's so loud. 'Cause all the screams you're hearing, they're all your own. Your lips are gasping, you're fighting. You're terrified.

But you are breaking. And falling. _**It's killing you.**_

You're just humouring yourself, though, trying to preserve what little sanity remains. You know it's never going to get any easier.

_Wake me up inside_

Your eyes are open, and the sun shines down around you, although there's no sparkling. It's like Alice in wonderland, with Snow White's seven dwarves and Cinderella's castle and Prince Charming ready to whisk you away on horseback.

But the witch is still offering you the poison apple, and you bite it. Because you want to. You're begging for it, you're screaming for it. And you want to.

Every night. There's no reprieve, no end in sight. You just wander. Through the woods that are new, and yet so familiar, at the same time. Déjà vu? How, when you have no waking recollection of moving through woods like these? None near Forks are so visually dramatic. Or so dark, so dense, so terrifyingly black.

Certainly, the ones out the back of the house are not so frightening

Now all you're left with is that bad taste in your mouth, like blood and copper. It's burning you; your tongue is on fire. And then it spreads. It spreads, and it burns, and it keeps burning. Why won't it stop burning? Why is it still burning?

_Call my name, and save me from the dark_

You wander; you stumble, through the dark. There's nowhere to go. There's just darkness. Every night, it's the same. You're lost in the woods. They spin and swirl around you. They don't form a pattern, but it's not random. It's organised, somehow, in an odd way. It's like some abstract piece of modern art; you know there's meaning somewhere, you just can't find it, or decipher it.

Maybe, if you could find the code, you could be free. The question is—is there one? Is there a way out, an escape? Is there any way that you'll ever be free?

Water won't stop the stinging, you know you're dying. You feel it, the hot lava running through your fingers, it's _**brutal **_and it's _**beautiful**_—because you're dying, and you're all alone.

_Bid my blood to run,_

You begin to cry, and the tears in this fucked-up dream world aren't salty. They aren't clear, they aren't safe… they're dangerous. They're blood. Crimson red and painful. You reel backwards, trying to escape the smell. But you can't. For the moment, you're glad that there are no Vampires around; this would be painful for them. Not that they'd care. They'd probably just drink your blood.

Because the only Vampires you'll ever see again, if you do ever see any again, are the blood-drinkers. The human-killers. They're the ones that the Quileute should be afraid of. Although, to be fair, the 'vegetarian' vampires did ultimately cause you more pain.

You realise that it's strange that you're reasoning through the moral ethics of Vampires, in this dream.

Now all that's left to do is cover you in white and put you on display. Dress you up in princess dresses and keep you nice and cold. Put you in a glass case and wait for your prince. Cause he's got to give you the magic kiss.

But you've already kissed the Prince. You know how it works. You kissed him on the lips, and then he turned into a toad, and hopped away.

_Before I come undone_

But you've still got that bad taste in your mouth. It's still on your tongue. You're choking, you're crying. You can't deal with this, because it's still too painful, and you're still too weak.

Too late, it's too late. You're everything. You're nothing. It's gone. Everything you loved. You can't cry out, you can't scream for help. You might be insane. Or deaf. Or mute, or dumb, or blind, or _something. _You just keep crying the tears of pitiless blood. They run, and they run. They stain your white skin red, and suddenly you're a monster. You're far more monstrous than anything the Cullens could dream of. Worse, even, than the Zombies in that stupid movie. Worse, because it's not onscreen. It's not fake, it's not Hollywood. It's real. It's you. You can't escape it, and you hate it.

Its all blood and copper— the taste, the smell, the feeling. And you hate it.

Didn't you realise? Did nobody tell you?  
It's like Alice in Wonderland, with Snow White's seven dwarves and Cinderella's castle and Prince Charming ready to whisk you away on horseback. And the witch.  
Because baby, you're the princess in this fucked up fairytale.

_Save me from the nothing I've become_

But my god, you're prince ain't coming.  
And it's all blood and copper._** It's all blood and copper.**_

You wake up, and you're screaming.


	2. Breathe

**Similar to Bring me to Life, this is a sort of stylised dream-sequence, hence the reason I posted this as a sort of second chapter. This was written very quickly, and I have this terrible habit of not proofing my own work very carefully. There are probably mistakes. Sorry.  
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**The lyrics are Taylor Swift, from _Breathe_, and _Cold as You,_ both of which are amazing songs. Some of the quotes care copyright Stephenie Meyer - there are a few direct lifts, there. Mostly, though, this is my own imagination, thank you very much.**

**Enjoy!**

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You slam the door behind you, lean against the wall, and slide to the floor. There's nothing to hold you up, now. You wrap your arms around yourself, and the ripping sound that's become so familiar starts again – your sobs.

_I can't breathe without you – but I have to._

Breath comes in strangled gasps and strange lurches. Sometimes, you can't find enough oxygen to fill your lungs, and then you choke and struggle for breath until you find enough to keep your organs functioning. And then the pain hits you again, and you wonder why you bothered.

Somewhere along the line, reality turns into a dream, and then you're running. You're running as fast as you can, but you know it will never be fast enough. You keep running, though, because what else can you do? You struggle, trying to take in enough oxygen to sate your need for it. Your mind throws useless facts at you: this is anaerobic respiration. Your body is producing Lactic acid, and it starts to burn your muscles. You're working too hard. You need to slow down.

But you can't.

You run, and run. You don't know what you're running towards or –and it's an ominous thought – what you're running away from.

You put on an extra burst of speed, and suddenly it seems like you're flying. Or perhaps falling. Below you, waves crash and slowly tear into the rocks behind you. It feels like you're falling forever, and the sickening feeling as your stomach meets your throat makes you retch, mid-fall. Then you crash into the waves – hard enough that they might as well be solid – and all of the breath is punched from your lungs, making you gasp wildly. You inhale water.

Suddenly, the nightmare turns sweeter. He's there, in front of you. He's taunting you, but it doesn't matter, because you can see his face. And oh – your memory doesn't do him justice.

And then you hit rock bottom. You lie there, on the ocean floor being ravaged by the waves of pain, and you wait there to die.

_I can't breathe without you – but I have to._

There's too much water in your lungs now, and it's weighing you down, forcing you away, and effectively halting any escape from the clutches of death. There's a sense of peace that you don't understand, but welcome anyway, because it's the only peace you can ever seem to find.

And then the sun is shining. You're still drenched, but somehow you're in a meadow – _the _meadow.

The pain sets in again, and you wish you'd stayed on the ocean floor, because there he is. He's lying there, watching you, that same taunting smile on his face.

And even as the throbbing threatens to overwhelm you, you choke out his name. "Edward..."

"_I saved your life – I don't owe you anything."_

"You owe me an explanation."

"_Don't hold your breath."_

Not like you have much choice in the matter.

_I can't breathe without you – but I have to._

"You don't want me?"

"_No. You're no good for me. I never wanted you. Can't you see it was a lie? It was always a lie. I never loved you, Bella. I never loved you, you stupid human girl."_

You would have died for him, once. What does that make you? _A mess of a dreamer, with the nerve to adore him. _

You cried for him. You still cry for him, every night. Every time you're alone. Every time you think that no-one can see. Every smile, every touch, every kiss, every caress was a lie. _So condescending._

_I hate you. I hate you. I hate you._

_I love you._

You wake up screaming.


End file.
